Good morning. Some commentary on the Northerns Final between David "Beast" Maugham and Marcus "Beard" Evans, until such time as the Mangler deigns to give me a Z game.

Game 1. Marcus BaB super shot off H5. Dave to maximum distance EB. Marcus missed from c3 to c4. Dave hit partner, loaded h2 getting a rush on the super shot ball to h1 and is away.

This is best of 5, super advanced. Beautiful weather - in fact, we've had four days of sunshine. And I thought it was grim up north. However the lawns are fairly easy and although the hoops are set very tight, they're not too tricky.

Beast still going round. Almost everyone has been going to 4b and giving contact, although Sam Murray reported some success in giving Beast two lift shots. Although Dave is shooting OK, it's fair to say it's not Peak Beast.

Dave playing red is round to 3b giving contact. Yellow is 2 feet out of c2 on the north boundary. Red in c3. Black a yard west of c4, and blue about 5 yards north of c4. Always fun to watch Marcus take a contact so let's see what happens.

Marcus asks Dave if he's entitled to a lift. The young scamp.

Lifts black to yellow. Plays very thick take-off going nicely to red in c3. Yellow now maybe 5 yards SW of h2. Plays big roll out of c3 putting red 3 yards NE of h1 and getting to within 4 feet of blue. He's played that really well as he's landed slightly inside the yardline so can cut blue slightly fingers wants. I might be able to cut blue to 3 yards west of c4 but knowing Marcus he can probably manage middle of the south boundary. But doesn't! Just taps blue and is taking off to h1.

Fantastic shot leaves maybe 5 feet 5 degree hoop. Runs it without touching the sides and now has six yarder on yellow. Hits but still has a bit of work to do to establish a break.

Plays split shot sending yellow to 4 yards north of h6 and going back to red which is NE of h1. Plays it beautifully and gets lovely rush to h2. Proves he's human by taking off well short leaving ugly angled hoop. Jumps through beautifully and now has a break. His usual tactic in other games has been a TPO with two balls off and oppo popped through h1 to avoid the squeeze. Will he take the same line against Dave here?

My expert advisor is starting on his first pint. At 10am. Ah well, it's five o'clock somewhere.

Marcus just creeps through h4. Copes. My expert advisor reminds me he's got to do a QPO not a TPO. Beer obviously aids clear thinking. Perhaps I should try it.

Marcus is not going for the QPO. Pops?

Marcus is just making six hoops and having a (fairly horizontal) DSL.

Dave lifts yellow (for 1) from the peg and shoots down the EB. Hits. Now will have standard QP for game 1.

Makes h1 off peelee with the break set up but can't rush peelee in front of 3b for the first peel. Then croquets it into a slightly awkward spot very close to the hoop where it may not rush to peeling position. We'll see. Rushes back after h2 and is just leaving peelee at 3b for a standard QP.

Dave peels 3b after 4 by about 4 yards.

Dave jawses the 4b peel before 6, rush peels it afterwards and looks in complete control.

Meanwhile, on lawn 2, the four players playing Z games are recrafting the definition of incompetence. Don't they know there are people up here desperately waiting for lawns to become available? This is bad news for me, but good news for you as it means with no game available, I can commentate for longer. At least I hope you see that as good news.

I am standing on the roof at Bowdon, which gives a lovely view of all four lawns. This really is a very pleasant venue.

On lawn 2, a player approaches rover with his other ball on peg. Surely a lawn is about to become available. Sticks. Rats.

Dave is setting up for the penult peel going to 4b. Everything is well positioned. Peeling from a tight angle but gets it through to 3 yards SSE of the peg. All over bar the shouting.

A lawn is now available! I may get a game. Although there is a large queue of croquet players waiting as patiently as croquet players are renowned for.

I'm about to play so more as and when I can, but I think you can safely assume Dave is about to take the first +20qp.

He did. Right, quick update on game 2. Marcus was in first and went to 1b fourth turn. Dave missed the lift. I didn't see what happened next but I infer that Dave missed a second lift as Marcus has just approached h1 with blue, the black clip on 4b and a standard tp for game 2. Sticks in a simple hoop. My chap has missed the lift, though, so I'm back in. More later.

I'm back, having thoughtfully opted for a two lift strategy to give me more time to commentate. Also because my opponent is shooting like a blind man on horseback.

Dave is doing the second peel of the TPO after 6. No POPs as yet.

My opponent is taking the longest lift on the lawn into c4. He obviously doesn't fancy my chances of doing a delayed TP. Not necessarily inaccurately, either. But he's missed so I'm back on. Sorry. (I'm not really sorry, obviously.)

Rather eccentrically I have decided to take my forward ball to peg. Let's hope my opponent doesn't suddenly find his shooting boots. Anyway, in the game you're interested in Dave has completed the TPO with no POPs. Leaves his balls in c2 and EB wired from obvious roll-up.

Marcus takes contact from the EB ball and does fabulous approach to two yards straight. Runs it to just past h2. Shoots at the c2 ball. Hits!

The in-lawn ball is peg high on the line between 1 and 2. Marcus doesn't quite get behind it and has rush pointing at h6. Cuts it gently (especially for him) and will be approaching h2 from three yards straight, you'd have thought for the game.

My chap has hit. Bugger.

Marcus has two foot slightly angled hoop. Runs it to the boundary. Should win now. My chap, meanwhile, ran h1 by four yards and then managed to run 2b while missing the return roquet. I'm back on!

Marcus has just run h4 on his 3bb to win.

Bugger. Just took off the lawn on my break to win. Ah well. Marcus still going but his 3b pioneer is very deep - looks to be only about a yard off the yardline, albeit due south of the hoop.

Plays good croquet stroke after 2b and manages to get behind the pioneer which may not have been quite as deep as I originally thought.

He's taking a long time over what appears to be a completely straightforward 3b. But runs it worth a northwards rush and that should be that.

Marcus wins +14OTP to equalise.

Apologies for the delay. There was lunch (chicken curry), and a protracted ending to my game after my chap unsportingly pegged me out, leaving me 3 and box against 1 and peg. I managed to finish off the second squeeze, so I'm back.

And so is Dave. He won the third game +26tp and is 2-1 up. They're starting again immediately.

Marcus puts out a super shot via h5. About two yards due west. Dave dribbles and hits. Croquets blue two yards short of c2 and retires to c4.

Marcus shoots from B baulk. Misses the 33 yarder not leaving a double. Dave shoots from A baulk at the 13 yarder. Also misses.

Marcus plays for the cannon just out of c4. Doesn't get it. Is now going to try to rush into c2. Nails it. With the blue a good two yards SE of the corner, he should go round.

In the Plate, the semis are Ian Lines v Miranda Chapman, and Joel Taylor v Robert Wilkinson.

Marcus is completing his break. Looks like he's going to 1b again. Diagonal spread coming up.

Marcus is not happy with his cross peg. About nine yards between the balls so has a margin of error, but only a small one. Doesn't leave a rush - his balls are about 3 yards apart on the EB.

Dave is taking the long lift, making a double of Marcus's balls on the EB between h5 and h4. Misses badly.

Marcus underaproaches 1b but copes. Now has the break.

Ian Lines, the Mangler, is through to the Plate final. That's not suspicious at all 😉

Marcus trying to manufacture an NSL. Does so. The in-lawn ball is quite in-lawn, though. Dave shoots from where it lies at the h4 ball. It's maybe peg high and a yard or two east of hoops 1 and 2. Hits - first h4, then the ball. TPO here we come.

The one downside of this otherwise fabulous tournament is lack of lawns. 22 players for 4 lawns means 6 players sitting out at one time, or 8 when the final (single-banked) is in play. I'll only get one game today before 3pm. Perhaps 20 players would be better.

Anyway Dave has peeled penult after 6. The crowd are wondering if the TPO is wise given that Marcus finishes off the contact in game 2. Perhaps a POP would be a good idea.

My expert advisor thinks the POP should be renamed the Peel On Opponent when done on oppo balls. I like it and it shall be so for the remainder of this commentary.

Joel and Wilko are still battling it out for the right to face Ian Lines in the final of the plate. Joel has been pegged out and it's now 4b alone plays peg and 1.

Dave has completed all the peels and looks like he's hoping for a POO. Mind you he had his eponymous error yesterday, so it's not a done deal yet.

And no sooner do I type that thDave has a very short and angled 4b. Crunches through.

I think Dave has decided against a poo. I mean a POO. Just going to peg Marcus out.

I must say it's been a great tournament - very well organised, nice weather, good lawns, excellent food and a well-stocked bar that's so cheap that it's virtually begging you to get drunk. And this is a nice neck of the woods too. My first tournament here, and I'll definitely be back.

TPO completed. Normal leave - ball on EB roughly wired from roll-up to h1, other ball in c2. Can Marcus finish off this again?

Takes contact from the EB ball. Good approach to about 4 feet, slightly angled. Runs it to level with h6. Ignores ball he approached h1 off behind him and shoots at the c2 ball for a break. Misses.

The c2 ball is Dave's peg ball, so he can't win this turn.

Dave lays up in c1. Marcus is five yards NNW of h3. Goes into c4.

Dave runs h1 past his reception ball (unintentionally to judge from his body language). Rushes to 2 yards north of c4. Takes off and has a rush pointing west along the yard line. Great cut rush to WB about midway between peg and h6.

Rolls up to h2 and makes it with rush back to c4. Every chance of finishing now.

Rush just out of c4 and should finish for the trophy.

The h4 pioneer is a couple of yards out of c4 so could do with a southwards rush out of h3. Doesn't get one but cuts it close to the peg. His roll falls short so will be approaching from 5 yards SE. Approach falls short and he clangs a difficult hoop.

Marcus's ball is near the peg so he has about a 13 yarder at the ball which failed h4 (it rejected back slightly). If he misses, Dave will win next turn as the hoop still runs. Hits!

Takes off and gets rush on the peg ball to h2. Gets very lucky indeed as the rushed ball clips the peg firmly but finishes 4 yards bang in front of h2. Needs to rush this straight to h3 as the other ball is in the jaws of h4 and doesn't rush to h3. Makes the hoop with good rush to h3, and now should win for 2-2.

Marcus survives a scare as he grovels through h3 trying for a southwards rush. Copes. Is now having h4 checked (he Irished the reception ball through and his ball stuck). It is indeed too tight and is being reset, with Marcus entitled to a replay. None of this really matters as he had his continuation shot left to play in any case.

After a marathon, Joel Taylor beats Wilko to reach the plate final. So the plate final will start just before 4pm, as will the decider of the main event if Marcus goes round here as he should do. Some late trips home coming up. Although not for me, as I'm outtahere after this game finishes.

Marcus finishes to win game 4 +10 OTP and force the decider. I'm off to get some tea and head back to civilisation, aka the South. Till next time. Bye.