I’m doing commentary, cos nobody who’s actually any good at it is available. I’m the furthest thing from a golf expert, but as long as they’re using primaries then I can just about cope with who’s playing with which balls.

I’ll also eavesdrop on other people, and steal their thoughts, claiming they’re mine.

If you’ve got any questions or whatever, you can email me at [email protected]

Anyway, I’ve missed the start, but I’m mostly following the final, obviously. I’ll also mention other games as and when.

So it’s 2 of the heroic English team who beat Spain last week at Roehampton. They both played in the Open Doubles as well, so you’d have to presume they both quite like croquet. And by the fact they didn’t postpone this final, it’s probably fair to assume they hate football.

I should mention the game at some point. I missed the first 10 mins or so, so I’ll mostly make this bit up. It was 1-1 in the first, with Stu taking the first hoop. I’m pretty sure Jamie then ran 3 from an angled N boundary. 2 good placements at 4 for Stu, Jamie’s clearance smacked Stu’s red into the hoop leaving it in easy position. Jamie missed a relatively easy 5 after Stu missed his clearance, Stu jawsed, Jamie hit the crossbar on his jump, Stu went halfway, Jamie knocked the ball out of 5 but not far. Stu jawsed a not-great hoop shot, Jamie’s jump dislodged it. Stu cleared, staying in front, Jamie didn’t, Stu cleared again, Jamie played in (probably couldn’t see it). Stu then missed a pretty easy hoop. Stu cleared blue but it hit black full ball and stayed in front-ish. Jamie cleared but didn’t stay in front. It’s hard to keep up cos they’re playing quickly!

Eventually Stu blobbed again, ending up on the wire. Jamie made it 3-2 with a li’l jump

A lot of centre ball clearances going on so far

Jamie’s B&B, Stu R&Y. Blue and red in front of 6, black plays in, Y us nearby, clearing blue…

Except it doesn’t. Black wasn’t in the way, but was near enough to put Stu off. Jamie runs the 1.5y slightly angled 6 gently.

I’m rubbish at guessing distances btw, so take whatever I say with a pinch of salt